Just Accommodate IDENTITY, and leave “Transitioning,” (or “not,” to), Up-To “US.”

Forgotten trans people are “blind” to each other’s presence, because there’s no sight-line for us to see each-other, and that’s a “Logistical” fact–; although it’s at least largely driven through at-large “Transphobia.” —

Conversely, connected trans people are BlindED by the runners of their collective “Movement,” by all of them actively “insisting” that everyone wanting to “stay” in the “chat-room,” (necessary for “any” “recognition,” “at-all,” since–; as-I just-“said–;” “those who try to connect ‘offline,’ ‘can’t,’ –;”) has to “prioritize,” first-and-foremost–; and “above any and all else,” their respective “commitment,” to having “transitioned,” “and” that “nothing-else mattered.” —

If you are Transgender–; and all you want is just proverbial “safe-space,” where you could “interact-and-converse,” without continually having to “mask,” either the fact that you “didn’t” yet “look-or-sound,” the way your screen-name, would have “suggested,” that you “would” have–; or, if people can already “see,” or “hear,” you–; the fact that they “reference,” you, corresponding “merely,” to either-of those-things–; or “presume,” that if they’ve “read” you “female,” that you wouldn’t be “triggered,” by an “unhesitant,” reference to “menstruation,” “birth-control,” or being “assumed” netly to have “preferred,” or even “expected-only,” “the company,” of supposedly “other,” so-called “girls,” or “women–.” Or, if they misread you as male, that you would “love sports,” relish gratuitous profanity, or “abhor” anything with an overtly “intimate,” sort of “dimension–;” and “insist,” on the company of “only” “other” so-called “males.” — Even just “this” level of “safe-space–;” where the point when I am “correctly gendered,” (as “they” so-insistently “put” it–;) does not mysteriously somehow “abruptly” stop, the moment they first hear my “clocky” voice, or suddenly-decide that I “couldn’t” hope to have quote-unquote “passed,” supposedly for even “transitioning” male–. A place simply where our “gender ‘reading,’ –;” isn’t–; otherwise, completely “inappropriately,” simply “in-the,” then- “hands” of–; merely “each” successive “next” person we then “happened” to have then “met–.”

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“Convenience,” Is No Excuse–!”

Two generations of transgender people have been living with untransitionability since their time of pubescence, and have invested their efforts into passing however well that they could have, without either taking hormones, nor simply “putting” whatever “passing” efforts they “could” have, “on-hold,” till whatever “magical” time, when supposedly even “they,” “could” have “transitioned.” —

Suddenly, transitioning is “greenlighted,” and it’s being directed “directly,” to the partial “generation,” who’s only “just going” through puberty “now,” and the remaining partial generation, for-whom it is a recent-memory. —

The denials and rationalizations “utilized” to pretend any “earlier” generations “didn’t exist,” is either to pretend, based on the numbers that had been “visible,” that “no one else,” from this extended-cohort, even “identified” as “transgender,” “or else,” we’d all have been “trying” to have “passed,” or “connecting” with each-other “exactly as much” as the current “transitionable,” and “social-media oriented, familiar, or equipped,” generation “did–;” completely “ignoring” the fact, that to “stay visible,” back when both it was so persecuted, and that there was no realistic hope of “transitioning,” “anyway–;” a person would have had even already (let-alone those “even-still,” thinking they could “transition,”) have-been “exceptional,” along the “Dysphoric,” axis, and therefore, “unrepresentatively-small,” “in-number.” So, their “next” Rationalization, was that “none of ‘the rest,’ ,” was “Dysphoric ‘Enough,’ ,” still to have been “considered,” “trans–.” CONVENIENT, CONVENIENT, mere-EXCUSE–; again, just to pretend “pre-wpath soc v7,” or just “pre-wpath,” “transgenders,” simply “never-existed,” in anything “like,” “current numbers.” — “Out-of-Sight, Out-of-Mind–;” Always so CONVENIENT, to pretend that “a” so-called “clean” “Slate,” was “automatically” any “better,” than the material or living contingent analogous the the then-extant “information,” otherwise “occupying” the “extant” “Slate–!” Yeah, just “go-ahead,” and “throw,” that “Baby,” out with this-here “bathwater,” we otherwise find “so ‘Inconvenient,’ –.”

Why This (Fb) Page, Isn’t Moving any Faster.

It probably looked or sounded to a first visitor to this site, that I its owner, was to some degree, perhaps, “noncommittal,” “tentative,” or “not-sure” about the “concept,” or however one would have wanted to word that idea. —

No. In fact, this simply is the “closest” I’ve been able to “come,” to setting-up the site I’d in fact “wanted” to have “set-up,” AT LEAST since “three years ago,” when I finally acquired the ability to pursue trans community discovery in any degree of efficacy. —

In the meantime, all I’ve “actually” “discovered,” was “how many” false turns and false starts there were, for somebody who was locked-out of whatever “contact” with the trans community since they could have “remembered,” and how “hard” it actually was, actually to “find” any meaningful “information” about it, if one were “in” that “category.” — —

People actively intending to transition, were the only, trans-identifying people, who could “see each-other–.” The rest of us, were both “invisible,” to either “these” people, or to each-other, and incapable of “seeing,” each-other–; and for “many” of us, “even,” the set that “already” were “connected,” because they were in the process of “seeking transition.” —

The fact that this new page, has not had any “momentum,” is simply an artifact, of the fact that, even by the time I had “just-started” it–; whatever “momentum,” I’d “already” “started” with, “already” had been “hijacked,” by all the “false-leads,” I’d “already” “gotten,” to “join,” “join,” “join,” one “extant” group “after-another,” (including, whatever groups I at least “ostensibly,” had tried to have “started–;” yet where everyone who deigned allegedly to have “joined–;” instead continually tried to “prod,” “nudge,” or “pressure,” me instead to “replace,” my arriving “message,” instead with the “standing, party-line,” about, “transition or retire to permanent cis-hood. And don’ complain about it–;”) trying to “present” my “contingent–;” but where, because “I” had seemed to have been the “only” such person “making” it, to the “front-lines,” as-far as even “meeting” with the “ready-to-transition” majority–; I get-greeted as-though just a “meaningless exciptient,” among everybody else–; and “all,” I “encounter,” is “expectation,” to “figure-out, ‘how,’ ,” even-I would have been “going,” to have “transitioned, ‘anyway,’ –;” (even if it “literally” “killed” me–; and with-me, any further “account,” of the contingent I “would” have “represented–;”) and “no further attention.” —

Exactly the OPPOSITE of what I’d “come” to the boundary of the “?rest?” of “the community” “to” have “attempted–.” — So “no,” I am “not” “acting,” out-of any so-called “indecision,” or “hesitancy,” in “starting,” this new “page–;” but merely, three years worth of dire “exhaustion,” from continually having my “efforts,” stealthily or forcibly “redirected” “back–!”

Second Post to, “Reexamining the Transitioning Mandate-FtM,” Page on Facebook.

I really meant to start this Page as a Group, rather than as a Page. This is not meant to be my own personal little “vanity-scrapbook” of daily “musings” about the video I watched last night, or the weather. This is meant to be a forum or venue where I can reach people before conditions further-shift beyond whatever point where anyone had had any chance of Listening, at all. — I have abandoned any further attempt at getting-through on another service, where their entire objective is the direct and deliberate obstruction of anything that isn’t solidly in the camp of promoting the straight-up agenda of connected trans as it is–: One big Stampede, that completely cancels-out any of the struggle or experience of the two generations worth of trans people whose lives since have shifted into a place where transition is no longer feasible for us, and which got that way, because everything was so stacked against us all that time. — There were two things that could be done for us, but which aren’t being done, and there is clear resistance in even discussing either-one–: One is, a fresh examination of why Harry Benjamin Era Survivors are not on nearly the same footing for transitioning as are the ones who happen to be on the pages, and either saying that they’ve placed their applications already, or that they were talking about things like getting fired or kicked out of their homes to transition, as if it were like taking their car to the shop for a minor scrape. — Transgender identity is the least of the earmarks of the population that demonstrates that attitude. — There definitely is “a time to panic–;” and to “bolt,” upon when one discovers that the people into-whose-midst one has just stumbled–; are anything “but,” “Grounded,” in any way, shape, or form–. When they dote with an eyedropper, on people gushing about recognizing all of probably by now, upwards of about “89” separate “gender-identities,” and how “every one” of them is “perfectly-valid,” and “deserving of all consideration.” — Introduce them to even “one” person, who says, “Uhm, I’ve been trans, and wildly dysphoric all my life, but by the time I found-out about transitioning availability, my life had deteriorated to a shambles, and I’ve got other problems I’ve been warned by trans community counselors were ‘not’ on the ‘approved-list,’ for even ‘mentioning’–.” And “see-how-fast,” they don’t want to “kick” you “off-their-board,” or “off-their help-line.” — I’ve “Had” to open-up a neo “Sanctuary” here–. Though I “doubt” there’ll be anybody even bothering to “look” for it–: By now, either you’re thick “In” the Stampede–; or you’re still out-of the-loop–; or, you caught “One-Glance,” at the raging Stampede–; and you undertook the singleton-equivalent of another-one as far AWAY from that-one as possible, as fast as you could GO–. — The “other” thing, that could be done for us, but likewise which is being-dismissed, is within-community action to promote direct-accommodation to HBES’s, who have been separated from whatever trans community for a long time, and also largely blocked in whatever expression they’ve been able to manifest for a long time. — Experts loudly proclaim how much rarer so-called “Desistance,” from trans identity is, even in “youth,” for whom it arguably “might” have been some so-called “phase,” through-which they were “going–;” but, when it comes to “adults,” who were coerced out of it by choreographed transphobic harassment–; the glib excuse would be, that “we” “voluntarily” “desisted,” and that “the presumption” “would-be,” that we “would not want to hear-about” invitations to transgender interplay or discourse “anymore–.” — When the “obvious truth” is–; that it’s just “too-late in the-game,” for all the current, connected transgenders, and site-operators, to “switch-tacks,” about this or anything on a paritous plane of “unfamiliarity–;” by this point, since they were all “up-to their-necks,” in nothing but “transitioning, transitioning, transitioning–.” Determine what-else WE need, other than what you need, to be able to “transition,” so that we can “at least” “consider” it–! Until we can get on a paritous footing to begin transitioning “along” with the rest of you, start a project to help us find each-other, so that we can have our own wing of the community, where we can all talk to each-other, about problems and situations that are all relevant to all of US, instead of having to be so many “flies-on the-wall,” in indefinite numbers of chatrooms, where all anybody-else is discussing is either “when” they’re starting their “transition,” “how-far-along” they are in it, or “how-long” since they’d “completed” it–. There is not-yet even ONE such “entity,” anywhere on this service, or its wannabe-competitor whose name I won’t bother mentioning here. This is not a critique of this service, or necessarily even the other one. What’s at-critique, is simply the connected community’s “whole blindness,” to otherwise the exact “elephant-in the-room–:” Where are the previous, two-generations–? Did everybody just “graciously” decide “permanently” to “mask” as “cis–?” Have they “all” “written-off,” the prospect of “transitioning,” despite the fact that it otherwise is “de-rigeur–?” Whose “right” is it to have “made” “this-judgment” “on-behalf” of-us “in” our otherwise “absence–?”

 

 

Fb Page “Re-Examining the Transitioning Mandate-FtM,” Introductory-Post

Since Facebook posts allow no vertical spacing, the following post initially appeared in the same run-on form as it appears on the new Facebook page.

Currently, here four days since then, I’ve begun trying to clean it up, so its formatting should evolve back to a more readable appearance in successive stages over the next week or two.  I’ve suddenly increased all my online posting activity over the last week-and a-half or so, and keeping-up with all the secondary details, seems to exceed what I’m used to doing in that area.
I’ve just finally created this new Facebook page tonight, after previously looking for appropriate venues since 2014.

What a long and frustrating journey that was!

The reason it was, was that I got resistance, at every step along the way, which also meant that I wouldn’t have expected it to have stopped yet here, either.

The “cause” behind my page is not similar to other causes I’ve seen in other sites, that I would have considered “hostile,” vindictive, or “hateful;” yet I realize that it is going to be quite unpopular, simply because it bucked the Connected tide, appealing instead to atomized and stranded populations who are not positioned either to receive our information passively, nor even to be able to find it serviceably, even if they assiduously hunt for it (as I definitely had to do, so I know whereof I speak, in-that). —DSCN4130DSCN4129DSCN4128

Within the connected, trans community, a vast Illusion is created, in terms of the fact that the only people who can see other trans people, are the same persons who can be seen by other trans people.

The rest are the equivalent of both invisible and blind.

This is a problem.

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My own discovery of the trans community began on a breaking computer in 2006, when I all I could find were sneering truscum who brayed that no one who hadn’t transitioned should even be browsing trans pages, which was a huge frosty deterrent to me, even after I finally replaced the computer, which broke anyway, the same week I had found that discouraging site.

Even on then-replacement computer I then wouldn’t get for another almost two more years, I still wasn’t finding anything to make me think anything had changed, prior to the date we all know and revere, September 25, 2011. However, by that time, I was in the throes of a very threatening development, and my life in general was not the way people expect things, anyway, just to put it ridiculously mildly for brevity.

It really wasn’t until the aforementioned situation changed, in 2014, at least for a while, that I finally had enough of an atmosphere of calmness, that doing any serious research became at all feasible for me, and of course this time, when I started researching “transgender,” instead of frosty warnings from sneering “truscum,” I saw the then-incomprehensible “flood,” of predominantly, young-teenagers all talking about worrying that they were going to get “kicked-out of their houses,” for trying to transition, or talking about it–; or kids saying that they thought they were going to kill themselves, if their parents didn’t let them do it before they hit the peak of puberty, and more things of that sort, and all I could think was, “wtf happened there?” —

I realized that there had been a major deregulation of transition service availability, and that the provider services had sharply slanted this availability in the direction of youth and minors–; but, it wouldn’t be, for another two years, of repeated aggressive searches online, all-of-which came to naught–; before I finally would find The Holy Grail–: September 25, 2011. wpath standards of care, version seven. It’s the one that made transitioning unprecedentedly more easy relative to its preceding version, than had any other preceding version, and it also tried to promote, “blockers at twelve, hrt at sixteen.”

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— The reason I am talking about my “own experience,” in “finding” this “out–;” is the fact that, until I even “began” looking, I had found “no” “explanation” for it, let alone a concrete “date,” of when it had “happened.”

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Even what I already could “see,” already had prompted me to seek a series of online “venues,” for saying what from the betginning, I could see, needed to be said–:

This stampede was going to backfire, and ways had to be found to un-strand all the trans people who were not in the information pathways “anywhere,” and grant “them” the “same” access to This Information, as all the currently Connected people already had had “from the beginning.”

It would be over a year since I started my first online entities addressing this concern, before any of my own “active” “efforts,” would yield me the result, that this sudden change in the way transitioning was handled, had not begun until September 25, 2011.

If it took “me” that long, and I was frantically “looking” for it, what were the prospects for somebody who was not an “Internet lover,” like “I” was–?

Or somebody so cut-off from any even lukewarm exposure for their trans identity, whose grasp of any of the “conceptual axes,” had grown Vague or Blurred–?

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The problem with the material and communication appearing online for the *connected* transgender community, is that it did not “center” on transgender “people,” over two thirds of whom already were “adults,” but, rather, on a “decision,” a handful of “doctors” had made, in some closed boardroom. —

Before wpath soc 7, adult transgenders who had no doubt they couldn’t transition–; had no regret, because “this” applied to practically “all” of us.

“Since” wpath soc 7, the test of trans identity had become transitionability, and this was doubled by the fact, that every day that passed without one’s transitioning, the further “behind,” one’s face and voice had gotten, from “matching” any of those whose “transition” already had “begun.” —

And all who “could” transition, let themselves be “blinded” to “our” fate, by simply their “own” dread and terror of “themselves” becoming “the last” person, whose face or voice would “match” those of the rest of the crowd.

They literally had created A Stampede, and as I would find out, every attempt I’d made, to “call” anyone on this fact, was rapidly met with rigorously organized Impedance. —

I’ve already seen the faces of several FtM’s openly stating, that they couldn’t possibly care less, about the fate of any other FtM, who simply couldn’t medically transition–; and cutthroats like-that Will appear Everywhere, but they don’t represent Everyone–:

It’s the fact, that anyone who “doesn’t” assume that “attitude,” who really “did” care, about what would happen, to all the two generations of people who spent those last two generations frankly Losing our transitionabiity to the ongoing and raging effects of unrelieved transphobia–; are being Pressured, by the leaders of the stampede, into Looking-the Other-Way, or treating us as “collateral damage,” or a collective, “lost-cause.”

I am NOT anybody’s “lost-cause–;” and there’s No Reason, I should even Suspect, I were “Alone,” in this. —

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I started this cause page as a “Page,” rather than as any “Group,” because “partners” are needed, for the starting of a “group–;” and, the only place(s) I could have “looked,” for any would-be “partners,” would have been the “same place,” where “I” had never “been,” back when “I” had been the “same kind” of, “atomized, stranded” trans person.

So, I decided to “start” whatever thing I still was “allowed” to, “without,” having to get co-signers for it first. —

I look-forward to anybody, who, having-read this introductory-post, recognize themselves here. —

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This page, is designated for “FtM’s,” because that’s the population “I know” most about, because that’s what “I” am, and that makes it the population I were better-equipped to try to “help.” Another reason is because, the experience I’ve had attempting to work with MtF’s has made me more “wary” of them, than I had been “before” this “experience.” Mature-aged MtF’s who have been transitioned for perhaps 20 years or more, represent such a “dominant” presence within their cohort-or age-bracket, that they seem to have an unconscious, at least “undercurrent” of “condescension,” toward FtM’s, perhaps “especially,” in the same cohort-bracket. Still, I don’t want “all” mature-aged MtF’s, automatically to think that I have some “rule” “excluding” them, if what they really would want to “do” here, would be to listen to my perspective, or, especially, if, upon just “reading” it, they grasp that “this” was something they “too,” always, “already-knew.” I’m not trying to keep “anybody” out, who already “agrees” with the “premise,” and were “anxious” to “help.”

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What to do next

As I have explained in my last post about “Harry Benjamin Era Survivors’ Testimonials,” and “FtM’s Not Expecting To Transition–;”

the whole premise of anything (else) that’s published about transgender, is a complete illusion rendered by what’s not seen.

There are some people who would know, that two living generations of transgenders have all been identity-erased and culturally buried by the one connected generation’s looking-the other-way–; and just made it all-about them, or their ability to have-Transitioned or passed–; and anybody who came-of-age in those preceding two generations, most of whom don’t even realize transgender is a “thing” now, or that, if you don’t Transition–; you’re officially “Cis–;” “is officially Cis–;” and they are perfectly-Fine with all of this Travesty–.

As for the rest–; they are just conveniently diverted-away from this otherwise, rather-embarrassing then fact–.

The year-and a-half I’ve spent between working on this blog and its companion blog on Blogger, attempting to cajole, a faceless group of lurkers on a different type of service, into understanding or recognizing this problem, has been met by all but a small number of them just lurking silently in the background, three of them disagreeing, when I asked them anything, and whoever screens the posts disfiguring nearly every post I put-up as the ostensible so-called “owner,” of the site on that other service–; and in the case of anything about the target-topic for-which the site was put-up–; they really pretty-much cross-out the whole-thing.

It took me three years since wpath soc v7 as a daily Google-naut, even just to discover its main cultural results were–; where suddenly there finally was a lot of discussion at least on social media of so-called “Transitioning–;” although, for me then to have discovered why suddenly it was overwhelmingly kids that were doing this, would take me yet another two more years.

Why wasn’t anyone out-here outside that cloistered region telling the rest of us–; what somehow had been revealed directly to them–?dscn3643

That question was what made me initially start the set of three online entities I’d dubbed, “Transingularity,” for “seeing beyond the event-horizon,” of the Internet’s version of the transgender experience–.  

No-one accepted invitations to visit either one of the two blogs I had set-up, through the first ten-or-so, written posts, which was the thing at-which I had the degree of skill necessary to get my points across without any specific difficulty–.

I then started clumsily experimenting with making a few spoken posts on video service.  Until I figured-out how not to crash my hard-drive using my webcam, or that I didn’t have to continue struggling using the video setting on a standalone, digital camera, these videos continued to remain close to unusably poor, or prohibitively exhausting to make.

The people getting the views, were all the ones who had been completely sucked-into the deep-vortex of post ws7, and their posts were gushy, maudlin, desperate, naive, and worse produced even than mine, but they were seizing views at numbers from the tens to the thousands, while mine generally got none.

During this period, I would discover that the video service had another service, where one could start a page that could invite joiners to make it a group, and I joined what at that time were the only three groups presented for transgender people.

Of these three groups, only one of them got any traffic to speak of, but I would continuously visit that group each day, and try to post pertinent responses to other posters who had had anything (at all, since most members were either of course younger, or, as were still the case among older trans people, mostly MtF), and to offer them support.

Besides the lack of substantive match, there, this group also was really badly infested with trolls, and stuff I posted too often got filtered despite how hard I already vet everything I post anywhere for all factors.  I was getting the clear indication that it wasn’t what I was writing that somebody didn’t like, but just me.  They knew what my cultural perspective was, and they weren’t welcoming it–.

Soon, I realized that I couldn’t just “join” an “available” “trans” group, or expect my viewpoint to have been received, so, I looked-up what the process was, for starting my own group on this service, told a few of the regulars, there, that I was starting it, then set-it-up, and told the ones who said they would visit it, that it was ready–.

Of those that came over with me, there was one who routinely objected to nearly anything I would have posted.

The actual group was not strictly about Harry Benjamin Era Survivors’ Testimonials or FtM’s Not Expecting To Transition–; but tackled one of the side issues that made things so difficult for me as a member of those two intersecting demographic groups, namely, it was dedicated to eliminating communication obstacles between different parts of the trans community, and also between the trans community and the cis community–; given-that, “HBES,” and “FtMNETT,” were “one part of the trans community.”  (It could also ancillarily have been argued, that they also were particularly close to the otherwise cis community, since in general, they were both unconnected to the connected trans community, and generally were cis-community immersed)–.

Time dragged on my new community on the other service, as post after post I would put-up would summarily come-out so filtered as to be unintelligible, except to an assiduous cruptographer.  The people who had joined to read my writing, were getting a storm of typographic-pressure, never to have read it.  I steadily protested this, every time it would happen, and they would deface my protests as well.

One day, the member who had come over from the old group but did nothing but trash things I’d put-up on the new group, gave me an ultimatum about a particular post I had just then put-up, and I told her, that since she could reconcile herself to the value of the post, which I had put-up due-to how ideally I felt it had illustrated the point of the group–; that I would take it down explicitly just for her, so she would know, that I actually cared-more about her feelings, than I had about something I thought was valuable for the educational purposes of the group.  I did this to no success.  She had been terminally offended and indifferently left.

Oddly, immediately, the radical filtering of everything that I had written, abruptly diminished to a mere trickle, from what it had been till right-before she had left–; at-which I said, “No-Wonder,” and “Good-Riddance–.”

Still, the filtering was far from having-stopped–; and it still concentrated on any mentions I’d make, about anything relating to HBEST or FtMNETT–..

I came-up with an analytical Outline for what I thought the transgender community, really-needed to do to get-past its current set of obstacles–; which–; as I had told them repeatedly before had all to do with not being able to have faced their collective opposition more credibly or forcefully, because they could neither resolve their own internal conflicts, nor even have passed-information about, at all efficiently–.

I had a few people +1 this outline–; but no-one posted, “I will volunteer to work on section ‘2.1.1.,” or anything like that.

I got filtered when I once posted, that the reason that I’d sought-out the opportunity to head a so-called “community” online, was for the opportunity for realtime or close-to-realtime feedback, so that I wouldn’t be “alone” in a “wilderness,” constantly “trying to guess,” what would succeed beyond my own laptop–; or, even if I were completely confident in every facet of every idea I’d been creating, they still would have gone completely to waste simply rotting in the archive of an unvisited blog–.

But I posted it again, that the whole reason I had left my blogs to start that new community, was so I could finally start to get some interactive feedback (NOT getting my posts back marked with whole sections that were “no good,” without the faintest clue of “what” supposedly “weren’t” “good,” about them–; let-alone, what the closest thing that would have “been good,” “would” have-been–).

Nobody picked-up the ball or ran with it.

The outline, sank into the archives of the community, and may very well have been removed by now.

Eventually I brought this up.

This was only after the four-day streak when I suddenly got the huge epiphany that told me everything I hadn’t been connecting, from any time before, and realized, that, to post intelligible copy of this newly-sophisticated ideation, almost probably would require some degree of vetting assistance.

I was royally lambasted for even suggesting this.

So I thought, that the lambasters, wanted the community deleted.

In response to which, I asked the rest of the members if any of them cared, if I deleted their community.

It was one of the lambasters who told me not to do it, and that my thinking she hated me was a mistake on my part, although she did say what would make me realize that she couldn’t have supported my basic ideas.

So, basically, what I did a year ago to try to save time, completely backfired and proved to have been only more of a big waste thereof–.dscn3693

Would coming-back to what I was trying to get away from, back-then, have been of any use, whatsoever, at-this-point–?

Without knowing the answer to that–; this blog would be a scratch-pad for any further development ideas, I could have come-up with, in-the meantime–.

But, since what I’d learned in the earlier meantime before this, was that trying to “Bounce-Ideas,” off of “other people,” in a mass community either hostile to or not tuned-in to those “Ideas,” usually turned into one where they simply would hold said “ideas,” hostage, along-with whatever then-time one had tied-up in, trying to get those ideas any so-called audience.

This means that I can descend the rigging with the dagger in my teeth, now–; that I’ve no-longer got anything to have-lost–; by ever quote-unquote “chasing-away” anybody, by proffering an idea that quote-unquote, was “not-popular–:”

It means going Straight-Back, to what my Exact Idea had-been In-the First-Place–:  Namely, that of Harry Benjamin Era Survivors’ Testimonials, and FtM’s Not-Expecting To-Transition–.  Period–.

So.  To Return to that–;

There are the following Main Issues.

Where are the Harry Benjamin Era Survivors–?

How “Presenting” do they currently look, now–?

Are they still “completely” “out-of the-loop,” regarding of the cultural expectation of transitioning?

How long has it been, since they last actively tried to increase the efficacy of their presentation, or concerned themselves, with whatever degree others accommodated either their potential or explicit gender identity?

Among clearly unconnectedHarry Benjamin Era Survivors, it would stand to reason, that they wouldn’t have had any increase in whatever degree to which they would have been inclined to have “transitioned,” since before the transition so-called “mandate,” of-which they would by this definition not have heard–; and if that earlier “degree,” then-had been  “zero,” then this would mean, that they “did not expect (in any otherwise relevant timeframe) to have “transitioned.”

Among those who just discovered the transition mandate independently of anything “I” (or anybody I would have convinced to try to have done-so) would have been able to have told them–; “they” either would have started trying to transition, realized that transitioning was “quite unrealistic” for them, or, “didactically,” if without any real “logical” reason, simply decided to have “ignored” the so-called “mandate.”

In the case of the ones who had independently discovered the mandate, but couldn’t figure a way to meet it, by what would have been one of the mandate’s realistic (meaning unrealistic, frankly) timelines–; this would then break-down into the classes that “wanted a” better “answer–;” and those who decided to be nice little shrinking violets, and go through the rest of their life permanently pretending to be cis, just to placate the whole mob who wanted everybody’s faces and voices nice and consistently readablebefore recognizing them.

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So what we would be dealing with, would be other guys (although most of them, probably wouldn’t have read as male, or probably even very masculine), who wanted a way to stay-recognized as trans even-though they saw no way to transition, and knew that their faces and voices every next day, would be one day’s further away from the mode of the mass, in terms of even “trans,” let-alone target-cis readability–; and that the point where “the gate,” would “close” on them–; and they’d be massly-declared “permanently natal-cis–;” was rapidly encroaching–; and the ones, who already took-to saying, “Hm!  No-point in spending any more effort on this–:  The ‘gate,’ ‘already’ (appears-to be) /is ‘closed–;’  Time for me to go home and start letting my hair grow out and get used to wearing heels.”

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HBEST and FtM’s NETT

HBEST and FtM NETT stands for Harry Benjamin Era Survivors’ Testimonials, and FtM’s Not Expecting To Transition.

Harry Benjamin Era Survivors (or Witnesses), refers to those who came-of-age, mainly 12–16, during the period before 1978, which was when WPATH took-over Transgender Health Standards Of Care, from the consistently Draconic, Harry Benjamin Standards, which were structured around seeing how many transitions they could prevent, and which had wanted to make transitioning so punitive, that anyone who sought it (usually unsuccessfully), would return “wailing,” “Oh, my God, don’t even think of trying this yourself–; you have no idea what a horror they make it–;” and that anyone who actually did get approved for transition–; came-back with an incredibly elitist (“convert”) attitude about it, by which they consistently scorned anybody who didn’t match the rarefiedly lofty standards of the medical establishment concerned with transitioning, of that time.

The main result of the Harry Benjamin Era standards, on Transitioning, was that it barely happened at all.

My group is mainly, or solely, aimed, at the majority from the time, who didn’t transition.  There may be a small sub-percentage among the tiny minority who did achieve transition who weren’t warped into history’s most-rabid Truscum by it–; but I’m not counting on finding many, if-any, of those.

In the Harry Benjamin Era, the number of trans people who actually transitioned, was small even compared to the number of people who expressed in that time, let-alone, to the number of people who seek transition, let-alone express, today–.

Which raises our next point–; namely, that the number of trans people then even just expressing, was tiny compared to that of today–.

The pressure not to express, at that time, was so great, that if you place cohort next to cohort, you will see, that if 85% of those feeling transgender today, expressed, it would have been one-hundredth of one percent, then–.

This is corroborated by the drastic change of statistical estimates of what percentage of the population even felt or identified as transgender–.  In that time, it was estimated as one in 200,000 for MtF, and one in 700,000 for FtM.  Most transgender feeling or transgender identifying people intuitively would have taken-issue with these visibly absurd statistics–; which presumably were maintained mainly if not solely for propagandistic purposes–; yet the cis population, probably would have been much more credulous of them.  The zeitgeist these even-then clearly-suspect statistics generated–; made it patently easy for the era’s everyman to make transgender, or its paradoxical euphemism “cross-dresser–;” the go-to punchline, for every cheap-shot, Hollywood comedian–; and just sort of walking-metaphor for worst-case social-failure or automatic pariah–.

Today. the proportion of people seeking transition, is such that there are long waiting-lists, even-though the number of practitioners has had over the last five years to recruit or draw-in more to keep-up-with the swelling demand since wpath soc v7, September 25, 2011–.

Since no reliable or credible statistics historically ever had been kept–; it is moot to quote whatever updated figure–; but just the experiential impression thoroughly excludes any comparability to the old, just over “one-in a-million” statistic continually wielded before–.

The point here is that–; barring some sudden, “gamma-wave bath,” that suddenly induced uniform mutations to increase, by the factor of 10,000 times, the proportion of transgender-identifying people being born throughout the wpath soc (or especially the version 7 portion of the) era–; the same transgender-identified people born since the Harry Benjamin Era–; who over the last five years have been hurtling headlong into transition clinics–; back in the Harry Benjamin Era–; instead, would have been standing with the other cis-dressing kids, pouring pop on the head of the one kid in some hundred schools’ one classroom, that actually wore the wrong hairstyle, clothing, accessories, and/or makeup to school, of stuffing and locking them into their locker, or beating them up, or lying to the teacher or principal about something they allegedly “did.”

At the very-least, they wouldn’t have been doing the same thing as that one kid in every ten-thousand classrooms–; but either dutifully hiding this urge–; or somehow actually finding a way to make it disappear.

Oh-my-God.  Have I blasphemed there, against the sacred tenet that all dysphoria is at least subjectively immutable–?  How would I even have known anything like that–?  Well, I don’t, because I’ve never experienced its “going-away,” for-myself–; but then, I was one of the people who never completely masked my expression, during the worst “overcompensation” phases even most transes who transitioned back then, actually did–.

The reason I’m still noting the degree to which trans kids abstained from expressing their identity, again, despite the fact that this disaligns with the modern contention that “dysphoria” is “immutable–;’ (the fact that there was next-to-no expression, only means that there was only even-more dysphoria, not that the dysphoria “had gone-away–“), is because it’s the only way to make the numbers make-sense–; and that the reason I am doing this–; is because those numbers tell the whole-story–.

I am not saying. that anything that it might have taken to make a trans kid reaching eighth grade between 1965 and 1980 to have somehow forgotten that they hated wearing a dress or hated cutting their hair short wouldn’t still (or thereforecaused a great-deal other damage to that growing person.  I’m saying that the damage would be of sufficiently-different of a then-nature for it not to have been associated by anyone doing whatever so-called “routine” psychological “evaluations” of that kid–; and by peers or parents, who would note, that, in ninth grade, “Laura,” didn’t like putting on a dress, and that although by tenth grade, Laura was no longer protesting, wearing dresses, she was now addicted to some kind of drug, and possibly involved in some “antisocial” behavior, such as possibly “stealing.”  Or just “very depressed,” socially-withdrawn, uninterested in after-school “employment,” and just getting the minimum grades to get-by.

Instead of connecting the fact that Laura was thwarted from being allowed not to have worn-a-dress to school, with his subsequent slump–; the school and the parents either would have attributed Larry’s reluctance to have worn the dress, and his subsequent slump in high school, to “the same” cause ((s)he’s ‘just’ generically ‘messed-up’ –;”) or–; (even more likelily–;) they would recoil in-surprise that Larry’s failing (including, through “acting-out,”) now–; because, they’ve both managed to sweep any of “Laura’s” so-called “gender nonconforming behavior,” under the carpet–; since it was something they both did whatever they had-to do back then, to have regarded as something to have denied at all cost–.  Selective-Memory, would have been a part of this Denial–.

Kids who got made to have “sublimated” this tendency in this way, no, even I’m not even here saying ever completely “forgot” about it–:  This is in the category of overcompensation–; it simply is one click-over, from conventional (or even partially “voluntary”)  “overcompensation–;” in that the kid is no longer just concerned with whether he/she is just doing enough to fool (typically self-deceiving and clueless) others (who find ways, to “re-attribute” “gender-nonconforming behavior,” to literally anything-else, before they would up-or-acknowledge it, for what-it-was, even if it were staring-them straight-in the-face–;) others, while they still could bask in a little intimate comfort-zone, (such as wearing their own-gender’s underpants underneath their visible garments–; or that they would wear their proper gendered eyeglasses most the way to high school–; but then take them off, when they got within sight of the school itself–).

If they got brutalized for it, say in a conversion coercion in-victim (“inpatient”) gulag (“ward”), they would be traumatized to where even thinking consciously about expressing their natural gender would become thwarted by an internalized censor mechanism.

But that mechanism would encounter a lot of resistance, and in its own struggle to maintain whatever control even-it still could-have–; it would draconically force the person to prove how cis identifying not merely expressing they were, by leading the pack in persecuting whatever expressive “gender-nonconforming” kids there were in the class.  Or beyond there, taking actual careers in the gender policing storm-troopers–.

All these trans kids that get born in every generation–; have to go-somewhere–; and–; in the Harry Benjamin Era–; most of the ones that today would have been seeking transition, would have been assimilating with whatever kids would have been ostracizing whatever kids were expressing trans identification–; if not actually leading the ostracism itself–.

There are at least two points to be made from this–:

The one where it shows that trans expression “could” have “been muted,” at least to the extent that it could have “been-masked,” at-least for anybody-else to have seen–; is at best not-relevant and at worst, “medicalist-bait–;”

The one, where it simply shows, where the population went, back when it had not been feasible for it to have expressed itself–; is relevant–.

Pretending there were no transgender people back when it was unfeasible for them to show themselves just because you don’t want to consider the fact that enough persecution would have driven it out-of-sight–; buries the whole-two generations of people far more trans than 99.99% of all you greenie-boppers currently rushing to the hormone-clinics to celebrate the inauspicious fact, that you simply were not born until within 12–30 years of the Greenlighting of 2011–.  

Harry Benjamin Era transgenders have been subjected to persecution almost steadily throughout our lives, both as unemancipated minors, students restricted by school policies, and as adults who often had punctuated and restricted employment, or housing situations.

Often, as one force maintained the transphobic persecution, another waited in the wings to take-over with twice-the-fury, once the then-extant force then “retired–;” giving a “continuity-of-persecution–;” throughout this transgender person’s adulthood–;

There has been no escape for the bulk of transgender people of the Harry Benjamin Era.

The fact that the closet we already were in already was such a deep one, meant that really no other closet could have been significantly deeper, unless you were talking about a violent criminal or somebody who practiced sadistic torture or the like.

Many of us survived as closetees through spaces that later were turned into de-facto prisons, by the opportunist transphobics who, as I said, simply were “waiting-in the-wings” to succeed whomever they thought “hadn’t” been-doing good-enough of “a job,” in their then persecuting us–.

In my family, my mother was coerced into tormenting me by people wending their way in via the school system, and they only succeeded at even-that till even-she, finally got-wise to the fact that she had been being manipulated in this.

My sister was always contemptuous of everybody else, and she saw me as a fool for not insisting on “hiding” the fact that I was in any way “different–;” and this would become the lifelong basis for one five-year long surge after another of stunts based on excuses she found to treat me as one form of “non-person” after-another; whether she was hiding behind the banner of

“social-norms,”

“what others will tolerate,”

“family-values,” — or

“Religion–;”

“social-norms,” as-in, “You’re a Freak;” or pretending she “didn’t-know” me, in-front of her schoolmates after school–;

“what others will tolerate,” as-in, cutting-me-off, any time any part of a conversation tracked-into any reference I would make to my either being stalked on the street or refused-service in a public establishment.  It was always “my-fault,” “their right to do,” or something “I” had “openly-invited,” or therefore was a conversation she “didn’t-have time-for–.”

“family-values,” as-in., always getting another family-member to answer phone-calls whose caller-ID showed my number–; and shouting from the background what “they” were to have told “me–;” for calling even “their” “house–;” or sending someone over to talk to my downstairs neighbor–; always this sideways subterfuge, to make me feel unseen or unreferenced.  Really-sick, psychological sabotage.  Or as in saying, “I Don’t-Want ‘My-Kids,’ ‘ “Exposed” ‘ to ‘ “This” ‘ –.”

or “Religion–.”  Just as Donald Trump and his minions now have turned “Religion,” into a code-word for blanket-protection of any transphobic discrimination–.  She tosses that word up in my face as a similarly blanket exclusion for anything I was doing that she didn’t like–; whether it was studying evolution, wanting to transit-walk, atheism or pantheism, and, expressing transgender identity or wanting to transition.

People from the Harry Benjamin Era either have been badgered into Assimilating, and their transgender identification is neurologically predominantly overwritten and encrypted under this assimilation, or they are closeting so far off-grid, that they have been denied contact with any updated news of transitioning availability.

Moreover, by the time they get news of transitioning availability, their degree of assimilation and value overwriting and neuroencryption, will make them unattractive to transitioning counselors.  They look too “cis.”  (Also a ways of saying “conventionally ‘normal,’ .”)

Of those who kept their trans identity at least relatively more intact by closeting off-grid, the fact that they are heavily “cabin-ized,” puts-off transition-counselors from the fact that they look too “feralized.”

Indeed, those of us who closeted “off-grid,” were driven there precisely by what happened to us via the same people now authorized to vet us for or gatekeep us from transition.

This is a wholescale population that not-only is being underserved by the transition providing medical community or establishment, but which is not being SERVED AT-ALL.

To be served it would have to be seen–; and so far I’m the only-one here, I’ve been seeing–.

You can’t stop people who are too busy racing in a stampede (not-to be the last-person to wind-up like-onesself–; in this case untransitioned–; or forever-then-unreadable as even expressing of trans–; let-alone passing–;) let-alone to have asked them, “Hey, could you tell me what, if-anything, you plan to do, for any of the rest of us–; who are not so lucky as you, still to have had your youth-or-vigor, at the point where everybody is blasting-over the-loudspeakers, “Transition-Now, or forever-henceforth, regard-yourself as permanently cis–!;” it’s no great burden for you to snatch-yourself-up or head for the nearest transitioning clinic–; What are you doing, to make transitioning any sort of realistic proposition to them, too–?

Their oxymoronic, pseudo “Answer,” will always have the Doublethink form of, “There were no ‘transgenders’ before my time.  There are no people to ‘help‘ from back-then–;” and, when confronted with the fact that transgender was, as they were the first to point-out, “genetic–;” and that the only thing that had masked it even-then, was the time’s social repression–; they glibly rejoin with, “Oh, well, if it could-be repressed back-then, they must-not have been, any-sort of so-called “real” so-called “transgenders–.”

When then Confronted with the then-fact. that they’d just totally Contradicted themselves–; they then say–; “I can’t be bothered with trivia like (just) Making-Sense–; I’ve got a whole-life completely to-have Restructured around, changing my face, voice and body, so I won’t get, permanently shut-out of the Transitioned Club.  Like YOU already ARE, you HOLDOUT–!”

Ever-Increasingly, I’m seeing, that I’m alone in this wilderness, of single-handedly having to reach the off-the-gridders–; of the Harry Benjamin Era–; and if even possible–; any of those who otherwise were assimilated and indertermiately permanently masked–.

Therefore, this post is directed to YOU, you long-standingly trans-identified people out in No-Trans Land, who started high school from the late-sixties to early seventies in particular–; who still aren’t on social media, and who only hear about transgender via the stupid television, and the hard-to-believe rush you’ve suddenly started getting, when an isolated, store-person, actually calls you by the right “polite-address,” whether that’s ma’am or sir–; and doing-so even-though there wasn’t anything you’d been doing particularly lately, that would make you think you otherwise would have either “passed,” (convinced most people) or “read” (alerted the people who were paying attention) any-better than the preceding decade or more since you’d had enough control of that to have had any expectation either-way or the-other–.

Even-now, I still don’t-know what to tell even whichever of you-people even would have any way of finding this–.

I’m alone out-here.  The only people I have any contact-with, are people who would put up at most one post, before next posting, “I’ve just made my appointment with…;” and instantly, they are out of my community–; or more-to the-point, I were out of theirs–; or everybody’s–.

Now, you people, and there are basically two groups of you–; one, is “off-the-grid–;” where how you get your information is extremely hard to posit–; or, the last point at-which you would have been able to have expressed your transgender identity, would have been back before you either were pressured or legally-mandated into something that forced you to cis-assimilate–; and at some point, an overcompensation wave probably made its way through you, so that you are probably still at least telling yourself that you have to keep masking–; probably chanting the internal mantra, “No, I am not trans; I am cis;” or whatever paraphrased wording of that you actually use, to make the same point to yourself–.

I’m guessing that the majority of the cissimilees, would have become unreachable by the second year they were cissimilated.

As for the off-gridders, the main obstacle, is the logisitcal one of even locating many, if even any of you.

Trolls who might impersonate you to me, are going to find this a lot sooner than any of you likely ever would have–.

I’m closing-here, since this seems like the furthest I can get for a while.