What to do next

As I have explained in my last post about “Harry Benjamin Era Survivors’ Testimonials,” and “FtM’s Not Expecting To Transition–;”

the whole premise of anything (else) that’s published about transgender, is a complete illusion rendered by what’s not seen.

There are some people who would know, that two living generations of transgenders have all been identity-erased and culturally buried by the one connected generation’s looking-the other-way–; and just made it all-about them, or their ability to have-Transitioned or passed–; and anybody who came-of-age in those preceding two generations, most of whom don’t even realize transgender is a “thing” now, or that, if you don’t Transition–; you’re officially “Cis–;” “is officially Cis–;” and they are perfectly-Fine with all of this Travesty–.

As for the rest–; they are just conveniently diverted-away from this otherwise, rather-embarrassing then fact–.

The year-and a-half I’ve spent between working on this blog and its companion blog on Blogger, attempting to cajole, a faceless group of lurkers on a different type of service, into understanding or recognizing this problem, has been met by all but a small number of them just lurking silently in the background, three of them disagreeing, when I asked them anything, and whoever screens the posts disfiguring nearly every post I put-up as the ostensible so-called “owner,” of the site on that other service–; and in the case of anything about the target-topic for-which the site was put-up–; they really pretty-much cross-out the whole-thing.

It took me three years since wpath soc v7 as a daily Google-naut, even just to discover its main cultural results were–; where suddenly there finally was a lot of discussion at least on social media of so-called “Transitioning–;” although, for me then to have discovered why suddenly it was overwhelmingly kids that were doing this, would take me yet another two more years.

Why wasn’t anyone out-here outside that cloistered region telling the rest of us–; what somehow had been revealed directly to them–?dscn3643

That question was what made me initially start the set of three online entities I’d dubbed, “Transingularity,” for “seeing beyond the event-horizon,” of the Internet’s version of the transgender experience–.  

No-one accepted invitations to visit either one of the two blogs I had set-up, through the first ten-or-so, written posts, which was the thing at-which I had the degree of skill necessary to get my points across without any specific difficulty–.

I then started clumsily experimenting with making a few spoken posts on video service.  Until I figured-out how not to crash my hard-drive using my webcam, or that I didn’t have to continue struggling using the video setting on a standalone, digital camera, these videos continued to remain close to unusably poor, or prohibitively exhausting to make.

The people getting the views, were all the ones who had been completely sucked-into the deep-vortex of post ws7, and their posts were gushy, maudlin, desperate, naive, and worse produced even than mine, but they were seizing views at numbers from the tens to the thousands, while mine generally got none.

During this period, I would discover that the video service had another service, where one could start a page that could invite joiners to make it a group, and I joined what at that time were the only three groups presented for transgender people.

Of these three groups, only one of them got any traffic to speak of, but I would continuously visit that group each day, and try to post pertinent responses to other posters who had had anything (at all, since most members were either of course younger, or, as were still the case among older trans people, mostly MtF), and to offer them support.

Besides the lack of substantive match, there, this group also was really badly infested with trolls, and stuff I posted too often got filtered despite how hard I already vet everything I post anywhere for all factors.  I was getting the clear indication that it wasn’t what I was writing that somebody didn’t like, but just me.  They knew what my cultural perspective was, and they weren’t welcoming it–.

Soon, I realized that I couldn’t just “join” an “available” “trans” group, or expect my viewpoint to have been received, so, I looked-up what the process was, for starting my own group on this service, told a few of the regulars, there, that I was starting it, then set-it-up, and told the ones who said they would visit it, that it was ready–.

Of those that came over with me, there was one who routinely objected to nearly anything I would have posted.

The actual group was not strictly about Harry Benjamin Era Survivors’ Testimonials or FtM’s Not Expecting To Transition–; but tackled one of the side issues that made things so difficult for me as a member of those two intersecting demographic groups, namely, it was dedicated to eliminating communication obstacles between different parts of the trans community, and also between the trans community and the cis community–; given-that, “HBES,” and “FtMNETT,” were “one part of the trans community.”  (It could also ancillarily have been argued, that they also were particularly close to the otherwise cis community, since in general, they were both unconnected to the connected trans community, and generally were cis-community immersed)–.

Time dragged on my new community on the other service, as post after post I would put-up would summarily come-out so filtered as to be unintelligible, except to an assiduous cruptographer.  The people who had joined to read my writing, were getting a storm of typographic-pressure, never to have read it.  I steadily protested this, every time it would happen, and they would deface my protests as well.

One day, the member who had come over from the old group but did nothing but trash things I’d put-up on the new group, gave me an ultimatum about a particular post I had just then put-up, and I told her, that since she could reconcile herself to the value of the post, which I had put-up due-to how ideally I felt it had illustrated the point of the group–; that I would take it down explicitly just for her, so she would know, that I actually cared-more about her feelings, than I had about something I thought was valuable for the educational purposes of the group.  I did this to no success.  She had been terminally offended and indifferently left.

Oddly, immediately, the radical filtering of everything that I had written, abruptly diminished to a mere trickle, from what it had been till right-before she had left–; at-which I said, “No-Wonder,” and “Good-Riddance–.”

Still, the filtering was far from having-stopped–; and it still concentrated on any mentions I’d make, about anything relating to HBEST or FtMNETT–..

I came-up with an analytical Outline for what I thought the transgender community, really-needed to do to get-past its current set of obstacles–; which–; as I had told them repeatedly before had all to do with not being able to have faced their collective opposition more credibly or forcefully, because they could neither resolve their own internal conflicts, nor even have passed-information about, at all efficiently–.

I had a few people +1 this outline–; but no-one posted, “I will volunteer to work on section ‘2.1.1.,” or anything like that.

I got filtered when I once posted, that the reason that I’d sought-out the opportunity to head a so-called “community” online, was for the opportunity for realtime or close-to-realtime feedback, so that I wouldn’t be “alone” in a “wilderness,” constantly “trying to guess,” what would succeed beyond my own laptop–; or, even if I were completely confident in every facet of every idea I’d been creating, they still would have gone completely to waste simply rotting in the archive of an unvisited blog–.

But I posted it again, that the whole reason I had left my blogs to start that new community, was so I could finally start to get some interactive feedback (NOT getting my posts back marked with whole sections that were “no good,” without the faintest clue of “what” supposedly “weren’t” “good,” about them–; let-alone, what the closest thing that would have “been good,” “would” have-been–).

Nobody picked-up the ball or ran with it.

The outline, sank into the archives of the community, and may very well have been removed by now.

Eventually I brought this up.

This was only after the four-day streak when I suddenly got the huge epiphany that told me everything I hadn’t been connecting, from any time before, and realized, that, to post intelligible copy of this newly-sophisticated ideation, almost probably would require some degree of vetting assistance.

I was royally lambasted for even suggesting this.

So I thought, that the lambasters, wanted the community deleted.

In response to which, I asked the rest of the members if any of them cared, if I deleted their community.

It was one of the lambasters who told me not to do it, and that my thinking she hated me was a mistake on my part, although she did say what would make me realize that she couldn’t have supported my basic ideas.

So, basically, what I did a year ago to try to save time, completely backfired and proved to have been only more of a big waste thereof–.dscn3693

Would coming-back to what I was trying to get away from, back-then, have been of any use, whatsoever, at-this-point–?

Without knowing the answer to that–; this blog would be a scratch-pad for any further development ideas, I could have come-up with, in-the meantime–.

But, since what I’d learned in the earlier meantime before this, was that trying to “Bounce-Ideas,” off of “other people,” in a mass community either hostile to or not tuned-in to those “Ideas,” usually turned into one where they simply would hold said “ideas,” hostage, along-with whatever then-time one had tied-up in, trying to get those ideas any so-called audience.

This means that I can descend the rigging with the dagger in my teeth, now–; that I’ve no-longer got anything to have-lost–; by ever quote-unquote “chasing-away” anybody, by proffering an idea that quote-unquote, was “not-popular–:”

It means going Straight-Back, to what my Exact Idea had-been In-the First-Place–:  Namely, that of Harry Benjamin Era Survivors’ Testimonials, and FtM’s Not-Expecting To-Transition–.  Period–.

So.  To Return to that–;

There are the following Main Issues.

Where are the Harry Benjamin Era Survivors–?

How “Presenting” do they currently look, now–?

Are they still “completely” “out-of the-loop,” regarding of the cultural expectation of transitioning?

How long has it been, since they last actively tried to increase the efficacy of their presentation, or concerned themselves, with whatever degree others accommodated either their potential or explicit gender identity?

Among clearly unconnectedHarry Benjamin Era Survivors, it would stand to reason, that they wouldn’t have had any increase in whatever degree to which they would have been inclined to have “transitioned,” since before the transition so-called “mandate,” of-which they would by this definition not have heard–; and if that earlier “degree,” then-had been  “zero,” then this would mean, that they “did not expect (in any otherwise relevant timeframe) to have “transitioned.”

Among those who just discovered the transition mandate independently of anything “I” (or anybody I would have convinced to try to have done-so) would have been able to have told them–; “they” either would have started trying to transition, realized that transitioning was “quite unrealistic” for them, or, “didactically,” if without any real “logical” reason, simply decided to have “ignored” the so-called “mandate.”

In the case of the ones who had independently discovered the mandate, but couldn’t figure a way to meet it, by what would have been one of the mandate’s realistic (meaning unrealistic, frankly) timelines–; this would then break-down into the classes that “wanted a” better “answer–;” and those who decided to be nice little shrinking violets, and go through the rest of their life permanently pretending to be cis, just to placate the whole mob who wanted everybody’s faces and voices nice and consistently readablebefore recognizing them.


So what we would be dealing with, would be other guys (although most of them, probably wouldn’t have read as male, or probably even very masculine), who wanted a way to stay-recognized as trans even-though they saw no way to transition, and knew that their faces and voices every next day, would be one day’s further away from the mode of the mass, in terms of even “trans,” let-alone target-cis readability–; and that the point where “the gate,” would “close” on them–; and they’d be massly-declared “permanently natal-cis–;” was rapidly encroaching–; and the ones, who already took-to saying, “Hm!  No-point in spending any more effort on this–:  The ‘gate,’ ‘already’ (appears-to be) /is ‘closed–;’  Time for me to go home and start letting my hair grow out and get used to wearing heels.”



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