HBEST and FtM’s NETT

HBEST and FtM NETT stands for Harry Benjamin Era Survivors’ Testimonials, and FtM’s Not Expecting To Transition.

Harry Benjamin Era Survivors (or Witnesses), refers to those who came-of-age, mainly 12–16, during the period before 1978, which was when WPATH took-over Transgender Health Standards Of Care, from the consistently Draconic, Harry Benjamin Standards, which were structured around seeing how many transitions they could prevent, and which had wanted to make transitioning so punitive, that anyone who sought it (usually unsuccessfully), would return “wailing,” “Oh, my God, don’t even think of trying this yourself–; you have no idea what a horror they make it–;” and that anyone who actually did get approved for transition–; came-back with an incredibly elitist (“convert”) attitude about it, by which they consistently scorned anybody who didn’t match the rarefiedly lofty standards of the medical establishment concerned with transitioning, of that time.

The main result of the Harry Benjamin Era standards, on Transitioning, was that it barely happened at all.

My group is mainly, or solely, aimed, at the majority from the time, who didn’t transition.  There may be a small sub-percentage among the tiny minority who did achieve transition who weren’t warped into history’s most-rabid Truscum by it–; but I’m not counting on finding many, if-any, of those.

In the Harry Benjamin Era, the number of trans people who actually transitioned, was small even compared to the number of people who expressed in that time, let-alone, to the number of people who seek transition, let-alone express, today–.

Which raises our next point–; namely, that the number of trans people then even just expressing, was tiny compared to that of today–.

The pressure not to express, at that time, was so great, that if you place cohort next to cohort, you will see, that if 85% of those feeling transgender today, expressed, it would have been one-hundredth of one percent, then–.

This is corroborated by the drastic change of statistical estimates of what percentage of the population even felt or identified as transgender–.  In that time, it was estimated as one in 200,000 for MtF, and one in 700,000 for FtM.  Most transgender feeling or transgender identifying people intuitively would have taken-issue with these visibly absurd statistics–; which presumably were maintained mainly if not solely for propagandistic purposes–; yet the cis population, probably would have been much more credulous of them.  The zeitgeist these even-then clearly-suspect statistics generated–; made it patently easy for the era’s everyman to make transgender, or its paradoxical euphemism “cross-dresser–;” the go-to punchline, for every cheap-shot, Hollywood comedian–; and just sort of walking-metaphor for worst-case social-failure or automatic pariah–.

Today. the proportion of people seeking transition, is such that there are long waiting-lists, even-though the number of practitioners has had over the last five years to recruit or draw-in more to keep-up-with the swelling demand since wpath soc v7, September 25, 2011–.

Since no reliable or credible statistics historically ever had been kept–; it is moot to quote whatever updated figure–; but just the experiential impression thoroughly excludes any comparability to the old, just over “one-in a-million” statistic continually wielded before–.

The point here is that–; barring some sudden, “gamma-wave bath,” that suddenly induced uniform mutations to increase, by the factor of 10,000 times, the proportion of transgender-identifying people being born throughout the wpath soc (or especially the version 7 portion of the) era–; the same transgender-identified people born since the Harry Benjamin Era–; who over the last five years have been hurtling headlong into transition clinics–; back in the Harry Benjamin Era–; instead, would have been standing with the other cis-dressing kids, pouring pop on the head of the one kid in some hundred schools’ one classroom, that actually wore the wrong hairstyle, clothing, accessories, and/or makeup to school, of stuffing and locking them into their locker, or beating them up, or lying to the teacher or principal about something they allegedly “did.”

At the very-least, they wouldn’t have been doing the same thing as that one kid in every ten-thousand classrooms–; but either dutifully hiding this urge–; or somehow actually finding a way to make it disappear.

Oh-my-God.  Have I blasphemed there, against the sacred tenet that all dysphoria is at least subjectively immutable–?  How would I even have known anything like that–?  Well, I don’t, because I’ve never experienced its “going-away,” for-myself–; but then, I was one of the people who never completely masked my expression, during the worst “overcompensation” phases even most transes who transitioned back then, actually did–.

The reason I’m still noting the degree to which trans kids abstained from expressing their identity, again, despite the fact that this disaligns with the modern contention that “dysphoria” is “immutable–;’ (the fact that there was next-to-no expression, only means that there was only even-more dysphoria, not that the dysphoria “had gone-away–“), is because it’s the only way to make the numbers make-sense–; and that the reason I am doing this–; is because those numbers tell the whole-story–.

I am not saying. that anything that it might have taken to make a trans kid reaching eighth grade between 1965 and 1980 to have somehow forgotten that they hated wearing a dress or hated cutting their hair short wouldn’t still (or thereforecaused a great-deal other damage to that growing person.  I’m saying that the damage would be of sufficiently-different of a then-nature for it not to have been associated by anyone doing whatever so-called “routine” psychological “evaluations” of that kid–; and by peers or parents, who would note, that, in ninth grade, “Laura,” didn’t like putting on a dress, and that although by tenth grade, Laura was no longer protesting, wearing dresses, she was now addicted to some kind of drug, and possibly involved in some “antisocial” behavior, such as possibly “stealing.”  Or just “very depressed,” socially-withdrawn, uninterested in after-school “employment,” and just getting the minimum grades to get-by.

Instead of connecting the fact that Laura was thwarted from being allowed not to have worn-a-dress to school, with his subsequent slump–; the school and the parents either would have attributed Larry’s reluctance to have worn the dress, and his subsequent slump in high school, to “the same” cause ((s)he’s ‘just’ generically ‘messed-up’ –;”) or–; (even more likelily–;) they would recoil in-surprise that Larry’s failing (including, through “acting-out,”) now–; because, they’ve both managed to sweep any of “Laura’s” so-called “gender nonconforming behavior,” under the carpet–; since it was something they both did whatever they had-to do back then, to have regarded as something to have denied at all cost–.  Selective-Memory, would have been a part of this Denial–.

Kids who got made to have “sublimated” this tendency in this way, no, even I’m not even here saying ever completely “forgot” about it–:  This is in the category of overcompensation–; it simply is one click-over, from conventional (or even partially “voluntary”)  “overcompensation–;” in that the kid is no longer just concerned with whether he/she is just doing enough to fool (typically self-deceiving and clueless) others (who find ways, to “re-attribute” “gender-nonconforming behavior,” to literally anything-else, before they would up-or-acknowledge it, for what-it-was, even if it were staring-them straight-in the-face–;) others, while they still could bask in a little intimate comfort-zone, (such as wearing their own-gender’s underpants underneath their visible garments–; or that they would wear their proper gendered eyeglasses most the way to high school–; but then take them off, when they got within sight of the school itself–).

If they got brutalized for it, say in a conversion coercion in-victim (“inpatient”) gulag (“ward”), they would be traumatized to where even thinking consciously about expressing their natural gender would become thwarted by an internalized censor mechanism.

But that mechanism would encounter a lot of resistance, and in its own struggle to maintain whatever control even-it still could-have–; it would draconically force the person to prove how cis identifying not merely expressing they were, by leading the pack in persecuting whatever expressive “gender-nonconforming” kids there were in the class.  Or beyond there, taking actual careers in the gender policing storm-troopers–.

All these trans kids that get born in every generation–; have to go-somewhere–; and–; in the Harry Benjamin Era–; most of the ones that today would have been seeking transition, would have been assimilating with whatever kids would have been ostracizing whatever kids were expressing trans identification–; if not actually leading the ostracism itself–.

There are at least two points to be made from this–:

The one where it shows that trans expression “could” have “been muted,” at least to the extent that it could have “been-masked,” at-least for anybody-else to have seen–; is at best not-relevant and at worst, “medicalist-bait–;”

The one, where it simply shows, where the population went, back when it had not been feasible for it to have expressed itself–; is relevant–.

Pretending there were no transgender people back when it was unfeasible for them to show themselves just because you don’t want to consider the fact that enough persecution would have driven it out-of-sight–; buries the whole-two generations of people far more trans than 99.99% of all you greenie-boppers currently rushing to the hormone-clinics to celebrate the inauspicious fact, that you simply were not born until within 12–30 years of the Greenlighting of 2011–.  

Harry Benjamin Era transgenders have been subjected to persecution almost steadily throughout our lives, both as unemancipated minors, students restricted by school policies, and as adults who often had punctuated and restricted employment, or housing situations.

Often, as one force maintained the transphobic persecution, another waited in the wings to take-over with twice-the-fury, once the then-extant force then “retired–;” giving a “continuity-of-persecution–;” throughout this transgender person’s adulthood–;

There has been no escape for the bulk of transgender people of the Harry Benjamin Era.

The fact that the closet we already were in already was such a deep one, meant that really no other closet could have been significantly deeper, unless you were talking about a violent criminal or somebody who practiced sadistic torture or the like.

Many of us survived as closetees through spaces that later were turned into de-facto prisons, by the opportunist transphobics who, as I said, simply were “waiting-in the-wings” to succeed whomever they thought “hadn’t” been-doing good-enough of “a job,” in their then persecuting us–.

In my family, my mother was coerced into tormenting me by people wending their way in via the school system, and they only succeeded at even-that till even-she, finally got-wise to the fact that she had been being manipulated in this.

My sister was always contemptuous of everybody else, and she saw me as a fool for not insisting on “hiding” the fact that I was in any way “different–;” and this would become the lifelong basis for one five-year long surge after another of stunts based on excuses she found to treat me as one form of “non-person” after-another; whether she was hiding behind the banner of

“social-norms,”

“what others will tolerate,”

“family-values,” — or

“Religion–;”

“social-norms,” as-in, “You’re a Freak;” or pretending she “didn’t-know” me, in-front of her schoolmates after school–;

“what others will tolerate,” as-in, cutting-me-off, any time any part of a conversation tracked-into any reference I would make to my either being stalked on the street or refused-service in a public establishment.  It was always “my-fault,” “their right to do,” or something “I” had “openly-invited,” or therefore was a conversation she “didn’t-have time-for–.”

“family-values,” as-in., always getting another family-member to answer phone-calls whose caller-ID showed my number–; and shouting from the background what “they” were to have told “me–;” for calling even “their” “house–;” or sending someone over to talk to my downstairs neighbor–; always this sideways subterfuge, to make me feel unseen or unreferenced.  Really-sick, psychological sabotage.  Or as in saying, “I Don’t-Want ‘My-Kids,’ ‘ “Exposed” ‘ to ‘ “This” ‘ –.”

or “Religion–.”  Just as Donald Trump and his minions now have turned “Religion,” into a code-word for blanket-protection of any transphobic discrimination–.  She tosses that word up in my face as a similarly blanket exclusion for anything I was doing that she didn’t like–; whether it was studying evolution, wanting to transit-walk, atheism or pantheism, and, expressing transgender identity or wanting to transition.

People from the Harry Benjamin Era either have been badgered into Assimilating, and their transgender identification is neurologically predominantly overwritten and encrypted under this assimilation, or they are closeting so far off-grid, that they have been denied contact with any updated news of transitioning availability.

Moreover, by the time they get news of transitioning availability, their degree of assimilation and value overwriting and neuroencryption, will make them unattractive to transitioning counselors.  They look too “cis.”  (Also a ways of saying “conventionally ‘normal,’ .”)

Of those who kept their trans identity at least relatively more intact by closeting off-grid, the fact that they are heavily “cabin-ized,” puts-off transition-counselors from the fact that they look too “feralized.”

Indeed, those of us who closeted “off-grid,” were driven there precisely by what happened to us via the same people now authorized to vet us for or gatekeep us from transition.

This is a wholescale population that not-only is being underserved by the transition providing medical community or establishment, but which is not being SERVED AT-ALL.

To be served it would have to be seen–; and so far I’m the only-one here, I’ve been seeing–.

You can’t stop people who are too busy racing in a stampede (not-to be the last-person to wind-up like-onesself–; in this case untransitioned–; or forever-then-unreadable as even expressing of trans–; let-alone passing–;) let-alone to have asked them, “Hey, could you tell me what, if-anything, you plan to do, for any of the rest of us–; who are not so lucky as you, still to have had your youth-or-vigor, at the point where everybody is blasting-over the-loudspeakers, “Transition-Now, or forever-henceforth, regard-yourself as permanently cis–!;” it’s no great burden for you to snatch-yourself-up or head for the nearest transitioning clinic–; What are you doing, to make transitioning any sort of realistic proposition to them, too–?

Their oxymoronic, pseudo “Answer,” will always have the Doublethink form of, “There were no ‘transgenders’ before my time.  There are no people to ‘help‘ from back-then–;” and, when confronted with the fact that transgender was, as they were the first to point-out, “genetic–;” and that the only thing that had masked it even-then, was the time’s social repression–; they glibly rejoin with, “Oh, well, if it could-be repressed back-then, they must-not have been, any-sort of so-called “real” so-called “transgenders–.”

When then Confronted with the then-fact. that they’d just totally Contradicted themselves–; they then say–; “I can’t be bothered with trivia like (just) Making-Sense–; I’ve got a whole-life completely to-have Restructured around, changing my face, voice and body, so I won’t get, permanently shut-out of the Transitioned Club.  Like YOU already ARE, you HOLDOUT–!”

Ever-Increasingly, I’m seeing, that I’m alone in this wilderness, of single-handedly having to reach the off-the-gridders–; of the Harry Benjamin Era–; and if even possible–; any of those who otherwise were assimilated and indertermiately permanently masked–.

Therefore, this post is directed to YOU, you long-standingly trans-identified people out in No-Trans Land, who started high school from the late-sixties to early seventies in particular–; who still aren’t on social media, and who only hear about transgender via the stupid television, and the hard-to-believe rush you’ve suddenly started getting, when an isolated, store-person, actually calls you by the right “polite-address,” whether that’s ma’am or sir–; and doing-so even-though there wasn’t anything you’d been doing particularly lately, that would make you think you otherwise would have either “passed,” (convinced most people) or “read” (alerted the people who were paying attention) any-better than the preceding decade or more since you’d had enough control of that to have had any expectation either-way or the-other–.

Even-now, I still don’t-know what to tell even whichever of you-people even would have any way of finding this–.

I’m alone out-here.  The only people I have any contact-with, are people who would put up at most one post, before next posting, “I’ve just made my appointment with…;” and instantly, they are out of my community–; or more-to the-point, I were out of theirs–; or everybody’s–.

Now, you people, and there are basically two groups of you–; one, is “off-the-grid–;” where how you get your information is extremely hard to posit–; or, the last point at-which you would have been able to have expressed your transgender identity, would have been back before you either were pressured or legally-mandated into something that forced you to cis-assimilate–; and at some point, an overcompensation wave probably made its way through you, so that you are probably still at least telling yourself that you have to keep masking–; probably chanting the internal mantra, “No, I am not trans; I am cis;” or whatever paraphrased wording of that you actually use, to make the same point to yourself–.

I’m guessing that the majority of the cissimilees, would have become unreachable by the second year they were cissimilated.

As for the off-gridders, the main obstacle, is the logisitcal one of even locating many, if even any of you.

Trolls who might impersonate you to me, are going to find this a lot sooner than any of you likely ever would have–.

I’m closing-here, since this seems like the furthest I can get for a while.